• Baby conceived on back seat of car with automatic transmission grow up to be a shiftless bastard.
• Man who lay girl on hill not on level.
• He who fishes in another man’s well often catches crab.
• Wife who put man in dog house find him in cat house.
• Man who farts in church sits alone in pew.
• Boy who go to bed with sex problem wake up with solution in hand.
• Woman who cooks carrots and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
• Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
• Man who marries a girl with no bust has right to feel low down.
• Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
• Squirrel who runs up woman’s leg not find nuts.
• Seven days on honeymoon make one hole weak.
• Modern house without toilet uncanny.
• Woman who springs on inner-spring this spring, gets off-spring next spring
• Nail on board is not good as screw on bench.
• Short man who dance with tall woman get bust in mouth.
• Man who lay woman on ground has peace on earth.
• Man who sleep on railroad tracks wake up with split personality.
• Baseball very strange game. How can man with 4 balls walk?
• Woman who go to man’s apartment for snack may get tit bit.
• Man who kisses girl’s behind, gets crack in face.
• Woman who spends much time on bedspring, may have offspring.
• Passionate kiss like spider web: lead to undoing of fly.
• Man and mouse alike, both end up in pussy.
• Man who get kicked in testicles left holding bag.
• Man who sucks nipples make clean breast of things.
• Man who fights with wife all day, gets no peace at night.
• Man who snatches kisses when young, kisses snatches when old.
• Wife who slides down banister makes monkey shine.
• Virginity like balloon, one prick and it is all gone.
• Girl who douches with vinegar walk around with sour puss.
• Woman who flies upside-down have crack up.
• He who sneezes without a handkerchief takes matters into his own hands.
• Man who have head up ass, have shitty outlook on life.
• Man who have hand in pocket not just jingling change.
• A streaker is someone who is unsuited for his work.
• He who make oral love to epileptic woman may get tongue-tied.
• He who make love to exhaust pipe of car have hot rod.
• Epileptic woman who give blow-job may bite big one.
• Sleepy man who stand behind car get exhausted.
• Sleepy man who stand in front of car get tired.
• Man who go to bed with itchy ass, wakes up with smelly fingers.
• Man who stand on toilet, must be high on pot.
• Man who have hand in pockets, not crazy, just feeling nuts.

If an Asian girl was really Asian, she…

1. be wearing platforms
2. be wearing flares
3. has one of those fake-ass voices on the phone
4. carries a big-ass purse
5. carries hella pictures of her homies in the purse
6. knows everybody in town
7. thinks she knows about cars, but really don’t
8. always be fiending for “pho”
9. lies about her age when y’all first meet
10. thinks she knows how to drive
11. talks hella fast on your voice mail
12. has a 800 or 888 number
13. shares a 800 or 888 with her homies
14. carries a pager for the time
15. has money but is hella cheap when it comes to paying
16. has taken studio pictures more than 7 times a month
17. wears a(n) Nautica, Tommy, Polo, Nike, or Adidas jacket
18. wears those fake-ass leather jackets
19. is seen every week at the mall
20. wear tight see-through shirts
21. never goes anywhere without at least her homie or her cousin
22. seems to be cousins with all the females in town
23. drives hella crazy… cuz she can’t reach the pedal all the way
24. thinks she’s fat… when she’s like a little toothpick
25. likes it when peeps tell her she’s cute… cuz she conceited
26. brings hundred lbs. of make-up in her purse
27. carries a back-pack to the mall after school… like she’s a school girl
28. wants to get color contacts to look good
29. is always talking about “Asian Pride”
30. is always reppin her nationality
31. knows cities as their area code rather than the name
32. calls a city by ?-town or ?-side
33. if she’s a good girl… has strict ass parents
34. if she’s a bad girl… goes out every night
35. used to be a thug/gangsta girl
36. loves to karaoke with her homegirls
37. can’t sing when she’s with her man
38. can write hella nice
39. writes “sorry so sloppy” on every letter
40. dislikes Mariah Carey’s racist ass
41. dislikes Hilfiger’s racist ass
42. dislikes DiCaprio’s gay ass
43. dislikes Ma$e’s retarded ass
44. dislikes Russians’ stank asses
45. watches Days of our Lives
46. watches guys play b-ball
47. thinks she can play b-ball
48. plays b-ball without shoes… cuz she only has platforms
49. if her natural hair color is nothing but a faint memory in the past
50. rather be single than go with a white-boy
51. freaks at every dance
52. booty shakes at every dance
53. if she’s a good girl… loves lil’ kids
54. if she’s a bad girl… loves to hate lil’ kids
55. wants an Integra GS-R… cuz every girl does
56. asks every guy she knows for a ride to everywhere
57. calls everyone to get a ride
58. pages everyone with “good night” when they go to sleep
59. pages everyone with her number… just to say hi
60. loves money… regardless who’s it is