• Woman who cooks beans and peas in same pot very unsanitary.
• Baseball very funny game–man with 4 balls no can walk!!
• Woman who dance while wearing jock strap have make believe ballroom.
• Woman who fly plane upside down have crackup.
• Man with hole in pocket feel cocky all day.
• Secretary not permanent, till screwed on desk.
• A girl’s best asset is her ‘lie’ability.
• Support bacteria — it’s the only culture some people have!
• Man who argue with wife all day get no peace at night. (hehehe – ^v^)
• Man who run behind car get exhausted.
• Man who go to bed with itchy butt wake up with smelly finger.
• Man with athletic finger make broad jump.
• He who fishes in another man’s well often catches crab.
• Man who speaks with forked tongue should not kiss balloons.
• Man who lose key to apartment not get new key.
• He who sitteth on an upturned tack shall surely rise.
• Even the greatest of whales is helpless in middle of desert.
• Wash your face in the morning, neck at night.
• He who eats too many prunes, sits on toilet many moons.
• Elevator smell different to midget.
• Man who lay woman on ground have piece on earth

What type of Asian are you?
Girls, take this test to find out
Guys, click here or scroll down.

GIRLS

1. On a typical Friday night, you’re most likely to be seen at:

A) pool hall
B) the mall
C) at home, getting an early start on homework
D) cafe shop
E) your friend’s house, having a sleepover

2. Your normal everyday wear is:

A) tight shirts, spaghetti straps, baggy jeans, and extra dark lipstick
B) lots and lots of makeup – to impress the guys of course
C) thick glasses, long sun dresses, penny loafers, or sandals
D) high pumps, expensive designer clothes and tons of jewelry
E) college or Mickey Mouse sweatshirts with blue jeans

3. You usually give out your number when:

A) almost never, guys get scared off by your mean looks
B) any foine guy happens to ask for it
C) never – you’re not supposed to talk to guys
D) there’s money floating around him
E) any white guy asks for it

4. When you go to the mall, you:

A) give menacing stares to other Asian girls
B) follow a foine guy for awhile, then get his number
C) stick close to mom
D) get a guy to buy you a drink, then an outfit, maybe some jewelry
E) go with a large girl group to check out the hunky white guys

5. Your ideal guy:

A) could fight and take on any guy he sees
B) is anyone with a nice set of buns
C) ohmigod!!! a guy?! I think I’m feeling dizzy…
D) has money
E) one word: white

6. Favorite name brand is:

A) Calvin Klein
B) Polo, Hilfiger, or Nautica
C) Ummm…does Kmart brand count?
D) Bebe, Express, Banana Republic, DKNY
E) Esprit, Guess

7. You’re best known for:

A) beating up any girl that looks your way
B) going out with half of the male population
C) being the master cheat sheet for all tests
D) getting anyone to buy you anything you please
E) attending every single sorority party on campus

Time to add up the totals:

Mostly A’s: Asian Thug Girl – sheesh, give some respect for the other girls. No one wants to date your scary ass face anyway.

Mostly B’s: Asian Flirt – Hey save some guys for the other girls! Your a big time playa and you need to get over that.

Mostly C’s: Asian Nerd – Get a life! Learn some social skills and don’t be male phobic alright.

Mostly D’s: Asian Gold Digger – Guys aren’t just about money you know. In the future, your gonna get dumped for your demanding ways.

Mostly E’s: Asian Whitegirl – Awww… Asian Thug Girl’s gonna jump you for disgracing her race! Better get your act together and have some pride!

GUYS

1. On a typical Friday night, your most likely to be seen at:

A) the arcade
B) pool hall
C) cafe shop
D) the mall
E) basketball court or gym
F) local bar

2. Your normal everyday wear is:

A) baggy pants and heavy Nike jackets
B) dress shirt with loose fit khakis
C) tiny white shirts and black slacks with Fila slippers
D) only name brand clothes
E) sleeveless Nike shirts and warm-ups. also expensive Nike shoes
F) plaid shirts, tight-fitting jeans, and construction boots

3. Your car (or dream car) is a:

A) Mitsubishi Eclipse
B) Toyota Supra
C) Acura Legend
D) Acura Integra
E) Honda Prelude
F) any Ford model

4. Skills:

A) robbing houses
B) gambling
C) squatting
D) scoring digits from girls
E) dribbling a ball across the court
F) drinking till you vomit

5. Your ideal girl is:

A) easy and likes to play dirty
B) impressed by every little thing you do
C) speaks her language and wears spaghetti straps with 10 inch heels
D) HELLA foine!
E) sporty and athletic but girly
F) one word: white

6. Favorite name brand is:

A) Timberland, Lugz, Fubu
B) Armani Exchange, Banana Republic
C) Calvin Klein, Guess
D) Polo, Hilfiger, or Nautica
E) Nike
F) Stussy, Mossimo

7. Most used pick up line:

A) “Let’s go to my house, we fuck, then you disappear, aight?”
B) “Hey baby, wanna ride in my 16-valve twin-cam lowered supra with BBS gold spiked rims and a subwoofered stereo that’ll leave you breathless?”
C) “Dooh yooh likkee to singh Karaoke baaby.”
D) “Sup hunnie, you kinda cute, can I get your number?”
E) “Oooohh, that’s nothing. Come over here and I’ll show you some real courting skills.”
F) “You know what? It’s strange, but I get mistaken for a white guy all the time!”

8. Most prized possession:

A) money and drugs
B) cell phone and car
C) ability to squat
D) pager (got to keep up with your girls)
E) your shoes
F) your Nine Inch Nails CD

Time to add up the totals:

Mostly A’s: Asian gangsta – Don’t be trying to act hard and tough around everyone, cuz you not!

Mostly B’s: Asian showoff – Stop showing off your cell phone and car alright, we already know you got one.

Mostly C’s: Asian Squatter – Where’d you learn to squat so well huh? Oh yea, and learn some English you FOB!

Mostly D’s: Asian Mack – Dayam, your like a walking phone book wit all the numbers you got.

Mostly E’s: Asian Baller – I got advice for you: don’t wear those tank tops cuz u got skinny ass arms.

Mostly F’s: Asian Whiteboy – Have some pride in yourself!! And stop acting white washed you disgrace.

Potential Matches
Asian Gangsta loves Asian Thug Girl
Asian Showoff loves Asian Gold Digger
Asian Squatter loves Asian ?
Asian Mack loves Asian Flirt
Asian Baller loves Asian ?
Asian Whiteboy loves Asian Whitegirl

1. Woman who goes to man’s apartment for snack, gets titbit.
2. Man who lay woman on ground, get peace on earth.
3. Man who gets kicked in testicles, left holding the bag.
4. Man who kisses girl’s behind, gets crack in face.
5. Passionate kiss like spider web–lead to undoing of fly.
6. Man with holes in pocket, feels cocky all day.
7. Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.
8. Virginity like balloon–one prick, all gone.
9. Girls who rides bicycle, peddles ass all over town.
10. He who farts in church, sits in own pew.
11. Baseball all wrong–man with four balls can’t walk.
12. Man who live in glass house, dress in basement.
13. Kotex not best thing on earth, but next to best thing.
14. Man with penis in peanut butter is fucking nuts.
15. Man who walk through airport door sideways is going to Bangkok.
16. Man who drop watch in toilet, bound to have shitty time.
17. Man who take lady on camping trip, have one intent.
18. Man who go to bed with sex on mind wake up with solution in hand

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Confused about your ethnic identity; Want to know just how Filipino you are?  Take this less-than-scientific quiz to rate your Filipino-ness. You might just be surprised at the results!

Scoring: Give yourself 3 points if you can relate to the following characteristics yourself, 2 points if it relates to an immediate family member (mom or dad) and 1 point if you know of someone who has the characteristic.

MANNERISMS & PERSONALITY TRAITS:

1. You point with your lips.
2. You eat using your hands and have it down to a technique!
3. Your other piece of luggage is a balikbayan box.
4. You nod your head upwards to greet someone.
5. You put your foot up on your chair and rest your elbow on your knee while eating.
6. You use a rock to scrub yourself in the bath or shower.
7. You have to kiss your relatives on the cheek as soon as you enter the room.
8. You’re standing next to eight big boxes at the airport.
9. You collect items from hotels or restaurants “for souvenir’s sake.”
10. Your house has a distinctive aroma.
11. You smile for no reason.
12. You flirt by having a foolish grin on your face while raising your eyebrows repeatedly.
13. You go to a department store and try to bargain the prices.
14. You use an umbrella for shade on hot summer days.
15. You scratch your head when you don’t know the answer.
16. You never eat the last morsel of food on the table.
17. You go bowling
18. You play pusoy & mah jong
19. You find dried up morsels of rice stuck to your shirt.
20. You prefer to sit in the shade instead of basking in the sun.
21. You add an unwarranted “H” to your name (i.e., “Jhun,” “Bhoy,” or “Rhon.”)
22. You put your hands together in front of you as if to make a path and  say “excuse, excuse” when you pass in between people or in front of the TV.
23. Your middle name is your mother’s maiden name.
24. You like everything that’s imported or “state-side.”
25. You check the labels on clothes to see where it was made.
26. You hang your clothes out to dry.
27. You are perfectly comfortable in a squatting position with your elbows resting on your knees.
28. You consistently arrive 30 minutes late for all events.
29. You always offer food to all your visitors.

    VOCABULARY:

30. You say “comfort room” instead of “bathroom.”
31. You say “for take out” instead of “to go.”
32. You “open” or “close” the lights.
33. You ask for “Colgate” instead of “toothpaste.”
34. You ask for a “pentel pen” or a “ball pen” instead of just a pen.
35. You refer to the refrigerator as the “ref” or “pridyider.”
36. You say kodakan instead of “take a picture.”
37. You order a “McDonald’s” instead of a “hamburger” (pronounced  ham-boor-jer).
38. You say “Ha?” instead of “What?”
39. You say “Hoy!” to get someone’s attention.
40. You answer when someone yells “Hoy!”
41. You turn around when someone says “Psst!”
42. You say “Cutex” instead of “nail polish.”
43. You say “for a while” instead of “please hold” on the telephone.
44. You say “he” when you mean “she” and vice versa.
45. You say “aray!” instead of “ouch!”
46. Your sneeze sounds like “ahh-ching” instead of “ahh-choo.”
47. You prefer to make acronyms for phrases such as “OA” for overacting, “DOM” for dirty old man and “TNT” for, well, you know.
48. You say “air con” instead of “a/c” or air conditioner.
49. You pronounce the following words:”hippopo-TA-mus,”  “com-FOR-table,”   “bro-CO-li,” and “Mongo-mery Ward.”
50. You say “brown-out” instead of “black-out.”
51. You say “Uy!” instead of “Oops.”

    HOME FURNISHINGS:

52. You use a walis tambo and a walis ting-ting as opposed to a conventional broom.
53. You have a “Weapons of Moroland” shield hanging in your living room wall.
54. You have a portrait of “The Last Supper” hanging in your dining room wall.
55. You own a karaoke system.
56. You own a piano no one ever plays.
57. You have a tabo in the bathroom.
58. Your house is cluttered with burloloys.
59. You have two or three pairs of tsinelas at your doorstep.
60. Your house has ornate wrought iron gates in front of it.
61. You have a rose garden.
62. You display a laughing Buddha for good luck.
63. You have a shrine to the Santo Nino in your living room.
64. You own a “Barrel Man” (shwing!)
65. You have a parol hanging outside your house during the holidays.
66. You cover your living room furniture with bedsheets.
67. Your lampshades still have the plastic covers on them.
68. You have plastic runners to cover the carpets in your house.
69. You refer to your VCR as the “Beyta-Max.”
70. You have a rice dispenser.
71. You own a turbo broiler.
72. You own one of those fiber-optic flower lamps.
73. You own a lamp with the oil that drips down the strings.
74. You have a giant wooden fork & spoon hanging in the dining room.
75. You have wooden tinikling dancers on the wall.
76. You own capiz shell chandeliers, lamps or placemats.

    AUTOMOBILES:

77. You own a Mercedes Benz and call it “chedeng.”
78. You own a huge van conversion.
79. Your car chirps like a bird or plays a tune when it’s in reverse.
80. Your car horn can make three or more different sounds.
81. Your car has curb feelers on it.
82. You hang a rosary on your car’s rear view mirror.
83. You have those air fresheners in a bottle.

    FAMILY:

84. You have aunts and uncles named “Baby,” “Girlie,” or “Boy.”
85. You were raised to believe that every Filipino is an aunt, uncle or cousin.
86. Your dad was in the navy.
87. Your mom or sister is a nurse.
88. You get smelling kisses from your grandma.
89. Your parents call each other “mommy” and “daddy.”
90. You have a family member that has a nickname that repeats itself (i.e., “Deng-Deng,” “Ling-Ling,” “Jong-Jong” or “Bing-Bing.”)
91. You put hot dogs in your spaghetti.
92. You consider dilis the Filipino equivalent to french fries.
93. You think that eating chocolate rice pudding and dried fish is a great morning meal.
94. You order things like tapsilog, longsilog, or tocilog at restaurants.
95. You instinctively grab a toothpick after a meal.
96. You order a “soft drink” instead of a “soda.”
97. You dip bread in your morning coffee.
98. You refer to seasonings and all other forms of monosodium glutimate as “Ajinomoto.”
99. Your cupboards are full of corned beef hash, Spam and Vienna Sausages.
100. “Goldilocks” means more to you than just a character in a fairy tale.
101. You appreciate a fresh pot of hot rice.
102. You bring baon to work every day.
103. Your baon is usually something over rice.
104. Your neighbors complain about the smell of tuyo on Sunday mornings.
105. You eat rice for breakfast.
106. You use your fingers to measure the water when cooking rice.
107. You wash and re-use plastic utensils and Styrofoam cups.
108. You have a supply of frozen lumpia in the freezer.
109. You have an ice-shaver for making halo-halo.
110. Your cloth tablecloths have tell-tale “toyo circles” on them.
111. You eat purple yam-flavored ice cream.
112. You gotta have a bottle of Jufran handy.
113. You fry Spam and hot dogs and eat them with rice.
114. You think half-hatched duck eggs are a delicacy.
115. You know that “chocolate meat” isn’t really made with chocolate.

249-345 points: Welcome to America!   Judging from your high score, you are an obvious transplant from the Philippines.   There is no doubt what your ethnic identity is!  You’re Filipino, through & through.

173-258 points: Congratulations, you’ve retained most of the Filipino traits and tendencies your family has instilled in you.

170 and under: You have OFT (Obvious Filipino Tendencies).  Go with the flow to reach full Filipino potential.  Prepare for assimilation; resistance is futile.