A stereotypical black guy steps out of the shower in a college locker room. An Asian guy checks out his penis and says, “How come yours is so huge? I would love to have one like that.”

The black guy laughs and says, “You can. Tie a heavy weight to it for a couple of weeks. It’ll stretch and get big and look just like mine.”

Two weeks later they meet again. The black guy asks, “Has it grown any?”

The poor Asian guy responds, “It hasn’t grown at all yet – but it has gone black!”

(From the Second Generation Perspective)

Be a little more lenient on the 7PM curfew.

Don’t ask where the other point went when your child comes home with a 99 course grade on his/her report card.

Don’t “ai-ya” loudly at your kid’s dress habits. Don’t blatantly hint about the merits of Hah-phoo (Harvard), Yale-uh (Yale), Stan-phoo (Stanford), and Emeh-I-Tee (MIT).

Don’t reveal all the intimate details of your kid’s life to the entire Asian community.

Don’t ask your child, “What are you going to do with you life” if he/she majors in a non-science field.

Don’t give your son a bowl haircut or your daughter two acres of bangs.

Don’t try to set your kid up on a date in anticipation of their poor taste or inept social skills.

Incorporate other phrases besides “Did you study yet?” into your daily conversations with your children.

Don’t ask all your kid’s friends over the age of 21 if they have a boy/girlfriend yet.

1. Only the Chinese Communist Party (CCP) can assure economic prosperity.
2. Only the CCP can maintain societal stability.
3. No one wants freedom.
4. All Chinese demand national reunification meaning that the mainland must take over Taiwan.
5. The one child policy works.
6. China is capitalist.
7. The Tiananmen Massacre was necessary in order to prevent chaos.
8. Only the CCP produces people capable of leading the country.
9. Deng Xiaoping intended to implement democracy.
10. 1 country 2 systems works.
11. Mao unified China.
12. Falun Gong wants to destroy China.
13. The CCP opposes corruption.
14. CCP is like the sun.
15. The CCP cares about Chinese.
16. The People’s Liberation Army (PLA) has the ability to invade and take over Taiwan.
17. The PLA won the 1979 war with Vietnam.
18. 1 million dead PLA ‘volunteers’ in Korea constituted a victory.
19. The PLA knows how to maintain the modern Russian aircraft and ships that it purchased
20. Zhu Rongji wants to clean up corruption.
21. Mainland corruption is not creeping into Hong Kong.
22. Falun Gong is a political organization.
23. Taiwan wants to invade the People’s Republic of China (PRC).
24. Taiwan wants to conspire with foreigners to attack the PRC.
25. All references to China mean the PRC.
26. Taiwan is part of China, the PRC is China, so Taiwan is part of the PRC. This is the so-called ‘one China principle’.
27. Supporting the CCP is patriotic.
28. The US has promised to respect the ‘one China principle” as defined by the PRC.
29. Chinese are too poor to implement democracy or freedom.
30. Democracy would lead China to social chaos and economic ruin
31. Chinese are worried about filling their bellies, not freedom.
32. The CCP is trying to implement a rule of law in China.
33. The PRC judicial system is not a political tool.
34. China has sovereignty over Taiwan.
35. The government of the PRC is not a communist dictatorship.
36. Tung Chee Hwa, the Chief Executive of Hong Kong, is not appointed by Beijing.
37. In China, government corruption is being brought under control.
38. The CCP deserves credit for delivering economic success to the Chinese people.
39. The 1989 student protests sought violent revolution.
40. The CCP seeks what is best for China.
41. The US wants to break up China.
42. The US wants to use Taiwan as an unsinkable aircraft carrier from which to attack China.
43. The CCP is a political party. (hint: it is a cult religion).
44. The CCP has lifted Chinese out of poverty
45. National Missile Defense (NMD) will start an arms race with China.
46. PRC/CCP is not a banana republic.
47. Jiang Zemin is not a traitor of Chinese nation.
48. PRC will wipe out Falun Gong soon.
49. PRC/CCP will last forever.
50. Mao is still alive.