These girls take Nintendo 3DS to a totally different level.
Archive for category Jokes
- You know that Camp doesn’t mean a cabin in the woods.
- The men in your family were gardeners, farmers or produce workers.
- The women in your family were seamstresses, domestic workers or farm laborers.
- Your Issei grandparents had an arranged marriage.
- One of your relatives was a “picture bride.”
- You have Nisei relatives named Tak, Tad, George, Harry or Shig.
- You have Nisei relatives named Keiko, Aiko, Sumi or Mary.
- You’re Sansei and your name is Janice, Glen, Brian, Bill or Kenji.
- You’re thinking of naming your Yonsei child, Brittany, Jenny, Lauren,Garett or Brett, with a Japanese middle name.
- All of your cousins are having hapa kids.
- You have relatives who live in Hawaii.
- You belong to a Japanese credit union
- Wherever you live now, you always come home to the Obon festival.
- The bushes in your front yard are trimmed into balls.
- You have a kaki tree in the backyard.
- You have at least one bag of sembei in the house at all times.
- You have a Japanese doll in a glass case in your living room.
- You have a nekko cat in your house for good luck.
- You have large Japanese platters in your china cabinet.
- You have the family mon and Japanese needlepoint on the wall.
- You own a multicolored lime green polyester patchwork quilt.
- Your grandma used to crochet all your blankets, potholders and dishtowels.
- You check to see if you need to take off your shoes at your JA friends’ houses.
- When you visit other JAs, you give or receive a bag of fruits or vegetables.
- When you visit other JAs, you know that you should bring omiage.
- When you leave a JA house, you take leftover food home on a paper plate or a Styrofoam meat tray.
- You keep a supply of rubber bands, twist ties, butter and tofu containers in the kitchen.
- You have an air pump thermos covered with lilacs.
- You know that Pat Morita doesn’t really speak like Mr. Miyagi.
- You’re mad because Kristi Yamaguchi should have gotten more commercial endorsements than Nancy Kerrigan.
- You know someone who has run for the Nisei Queen Pageant.
- When your back is sore, you use Tiger Balm or that flexi-stick with the rubber ball on the end that goes, “katonk,” “katonk.”
- After funerals, you go for Chinameshi.
- After giving koden, you get stamps in the mail.
- You fight fiercely for the check after dinner.
- You’ve hidden money in the pocket of the person who paid for dinner.
- You don’t need to read the instructions on the proper use of hashi.
- You know that Benihana’s isn’t real Japanese food.
- You eat soba on New Year’s Eve.
- You start off the new year with a bowl of ozoni for good luck and the mochi sticks to the roof of your mouth.
- You know not to eat the tangerine on the top of the mochi at New Year’s.
- You have a 12-pack of mochi in your freezer—that you still refuse to throw away in July.
- You pack bento for road trips.
- Your grandma made the best sushi in town.
- You cut all your carrots and hot dogs at an angle.
- You know the virtues of SPAM.
- You were eating Chinese chicken salad, years before everyone else.
- You know what it means to eat “footballs.”
- You grew up eating ambrosia, wontons and finger Jell-O at family potlucks.
- You always use Best Foods mayonnaise and like to mix it with shoyu to dip broccoli.
- You use the “finger method” to measure the water for your rice cooker.
- You grew up on rice: bacon fried rice, chili rice, curry rice or red rice.
- You like to eat rice with your spaghetti.
- You can’t start eating until you have a bowl of rice.
- You use plastic Cool Whip containers to hold day-old rice.
- You like to eat your rice in a chawan, not on a plate.
- Along with salt and pepper, you have a shoyu dispenser at your table.
- You have a jar of takuan in your fridge.
- You buy rice 25 pounds at a time and shoyu a gallon at a time.
- Natto: you either love it or hate it.
- As a kid, you used to eat Botan rice candy.
- You know the story of Momotaro.
- You have a pet named Chibi or Shiro.
- Someone you know, owns an Akita or Shiba dog.
- You went to J-school and your best subject was recess.
- At school, you had those Hello Kitty pencil boxes and sweet smelling erasers.
- When you’re sick, you eat okayu.
- Milk makes you queasy and alcohol turns your face red.
- Your dad owns a Member’s Only jacket.
- Someone you know drives an Acura Integra, Honda Accord or Toyota Camry.
- You used to own one of those miniature zori keychains
- You have a kaeru frog or good luck charm hanging in your car.
- Your parents compare you to their friends’ kids.
- You hang on to the illusion that you are superior to other Asians.
- Your dentist, doctor and optometrist is Japanese American.
- You socialize with groups of eight or more people.
- Whenever you’re with more than three people, it takes an hour to decide where to eat.
- You and your friends call yourselves “Buddaheads,” but don’t like it when white people do.
- You’ve heard your name pronounced a half-dozen different ways.
- You know that E.O. 9066 isn’t a zip code.
- You’re not superstitious but you believe in bachi.
- You never take the last piece of food on a plate—but will cut it into smaller pieces.
- As much as you want it, never ever take the last—anything. Enryo, enryo, enryo.
Sue Wong marries Lee Wong. The next year, the Wong’s have a new baby. The nurse brings out a lovely, healthy, bouncy, but definitely a Caucasian, WHITE baby boy. “Congratulations,” says the nurse to the new parents. “well Mr. Wong, what will you and Mrs. Wong name the baby?” The puzzled father looks at his new baby boy and says, “Well two Wong’s don’t make a white, so I think we will name him…
Sum Ting Wong
Mr.Thadani, a middle-aged Sindhi, is on a plane for Hongkong, in a window seat.
Just before take-off, this HUGE Sardar wearing a beautiful suit walks up and sits down beside him.
A few minutes later, the plane takes off.
All is well For a while.
But then, Mr.Thadani realizes that he has to go to the washroom.
That wouldn’t be a problem,but he looks over and notices that the Sardar beside him is sound asleep, and Mr.Thadani, being a meek man is afraid to disturb him.
So he figures he’ll hold it in till Sardarji wakes up.
But as luck would have it, the Sardar just keeps snoring away, and Mr. Thadani is feeling increasingly more uncomfortable.
After a while, he starts to feel nauseous as well, what from holding it in combined with the plane ride.
He tries and tries to hold it in, but then “AAARRGGHH!!”–he throws up all over the Sardar and his beautiful suit.
He thinks, “Oh, no! Now he’s gonna kill me!” and sits there in apprehension waiting for the Sardar to wake up.
Finally, the Sardar wakes up, and finds all this vomit all over him. Mr. Thadani says to him, “Well, do you fell better now?”
Young Asians in America come in many forms. Below are the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never part of another group are the Twinkies and the Asian-Americans. When you see your Asian friend, you greet them with “Wassup Fob!” And if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say “Fob please!” Of course, when a non-Asian calls you a Fob, that is grounds for a fight. Ahahaha…
- Your significant other is not Asian and never has been.
- You have few Asian friends, if any.
- You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you.
- You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist.
- You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is.
- You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is.
- You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock.
- You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you’re whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere.
- You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any.
- You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college.
- You read A. magazine and think it’s great.
- You do not know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or Kangta are.
- You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below.
Fob (Fresh Off the Boat)
- You were not born in America.
- You know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently.
- You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends.
- You do not have any non-Asian friends.
- Your parents do not speak any English.
- When you speak English, you like to make everything plural.
- You get extremely good grades in school.
- You cannot dance.
- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you’re from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe.
- Your command of the English language is minimal and you don’t care.
- You like dim sum chicken feet.
- You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn’t bootlegged.
- Your only hangout is Chinatown.
- All the lights in your house are fluorescent.
- You dry your clothes outside your window.
- You need a haircut.
- You either smell like cigarettes or food.
- You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently “awoken”.
- You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys.
- You have taken the Asian Studies course at college.
- You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white.
- If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous Gangsta Fob.
- You have shot another Asian.
- Your favorite hangout is a pool hall.
- When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid.
- Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you’ll shoot them.
- You have a serious gambling problem.
- You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car.
- No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you’ll shoot them.
- You want to have a Tab girlfriend.
Tab (Trendy Asian Bitch)
- You shop at A/X, Bebe, Banana Republic and Club Monaco.
- You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to “mix it up”.
- You do not weigh more than 105 lbs.
- You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life.
- Platform heels are your favorite.
- You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless.
- You do not smile in public.
- You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it.
- You smoke.
- Your cell phone is completely customized.
- On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker pic of you and your man.
- Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item.
- You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car.
- You are often seen with Rice-boys.
- You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend.
- You are an import car model.
- Your boobs are not real.
- There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere.
- Stiletto heels are your favorite.
- Your role models are Francine Dee and Kaila Yu.
- Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob.
- You cheat on your boyfriend.
- Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school.
- You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura.
- Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it’s original stock form.
- Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in.
- The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing.
- The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing.
- You always drive like you are racing someone.
- You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps.
- The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground.
- Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit.
- If you drive a Civic, your dream car is a Supra. If you drive a Supra, your dream car is a Skyline (which you can never have).
- You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language.
- You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends.
- You listen to Asian pop as well as American music.
- You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture.
- You are a good dancer.
- You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race.
- You are a good designer and have superior HTML skills.
- You have an Apt107 page AND an AA page and the guest books in both are packed.
- For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being.
- You have lots of Asian pride.
You know you’re Asian if…
- Your mother has a short-haired, curly perm
- Your dad is some sort of engineer
- Your parents still tried to get you into places half-price saying you were 12 when you were really 15
- You ask your parents help on one math problem and 2 hours later they’re still lecturing
- You have a 40 lb. bag of rice in your pantry
- You shop 99 ranch
- Everyone thinks you’re “Chinese” no matter what part of Asia your ancestors were from
- You’ve had a bowl haircut at one point in your life
- Your parents enjoy comparing you to their friends’ kids
- You’ve had to sit through karaoke videos with scantily clad, ugly Asian women attempting to dance and walk around a temple, forest, or library
- Your parents say, “Don’t forget your heritage”
- You drive mostly Japanese cars.
- You’ve learned to keep bargaining even if the prices are rock bottom
- You’ve had to eat parts of animals they don’t even put in hot dogs
- At least once, you’ve started a joke with “Confucius say….”
- You know what bok choy is
- You’ve gotten little red envelopes around February
- Piles of shoes tend to make it hard to open the front, back, and closet doors
- You hear (your name + eee (optional) + yah!) every time someone calls you (e.g. Jean – ee – yah! or Mary – yah!)
- You have no eyelashes
- Idiot people try to impress you with pathetic imitation Asian languages, like the ever-so-popular: ching chong woo bok chi, etc..
- Your parents say leaving rice in your bowl is a sin
- The Bio lectures on marine life (seaweed, sea cucumbers, octopii) was last night’s dinner
- Your ancestors 1000 generations back invented the back scratcher
- At least one family member wears black wire/plastic frame glasses
- Your parents hover over your tired, caffeine-drugged body at 12 midnight to say, “In Korea (or other native country), we studied even more.”
- Your parents expect you’ll be best friends with any one off the street in any given area as long as they are Asian
- An Asian woman comes on campus and people ask: “Is that your mother?” Well then, “Is it your sister?”
- Your relatives’ houses smell like incense, mothballs or both
- Your parents say, “Calculus? I took Calculus in 8th grade!”
- Everyone thinks you’re good at math
- Your parents’ vocabulary is filled with “ai-yahs, and Wah’s”
- You like $1.75 movies
- You like $1.50 movies even more
- Your aunts and uncles bring you back adorable clothing from Asia with fuzzy bunnies, vinyl ducks, and English words that make no sense, in great colors like yellow, pink, magenta, orange, and the ever popular lime green
- Your parents insist you marry within your race
- You never order chop suey, sweet and sour pork, or any other imitation of oriental food
- You either really, really want to go to UCI or really, really want to stay away from it
- Your parents have never kissed you
- Your parents have never kissed each other
- You learned about the birds and the bees from someone other than your parents
- “You want a stereo?! When I was your age, I didn’t even have shoes!!”
- People see a bunch of scribbles on a chopstick and ask you to translate
- You have to call just about all your parent’s friends “Auntie and Uncle”
- You have 12+ aunts and uncles
- At expensive restaurants, you order a delicious glass of water for your beverage and NEVER order dessert
- Your parents simply cut the green/black part off the bread and say “Eat anyway. It’s still good.”
- The vast majority of the people related to you wear glasses. Thick glasses.
- You will most likely be taller than your parents
- Your parents have either make you play the piano, the violin, or both
- You get nothing if you do well in school, but crapped on if you don’t
- When going to other people’s houses, you always have to bring a gift
- Your dad still pulls his socks up to his knees, you know, the ones with the blue and pink stripes at the top
- Your family owns a tennis racquet, golf clubs, or both
- Your family always cheers for the Asian athlete on TV (i.e. Michael Chan)
- The furniture in your house never matches the wallpaper, the carpet, the decorations, or any of the rest of the furniture
- You have rocks, sticks, leaves, and strange-smelling, unknown substances in your pantry for use as medicine
- You own a rice cooker or two
- You buy soy sauce by the gallon
- Your family owns butcher knives bigger than your head
- Your parents tell you about how long it took for them to get to school, how horrible the weather was in their native country, and how much they still appreciated going
- Your parents buy you clothes and shoes many sizes too big so you can “grow into it” and wear it for years to come.
These are the top 10 business ventures in India.
10. A chain of “Bhaskar-RaoBins” ice cream stores all over the country, in collaboration with Baskin Robins.
9. Kraft will make “PARAMESAN CHEESE” at Madras, in collaboration with Parameswaran & Co.
8. Kentucky Fried Chicken will open its chain of Indian version, to be named, “KARNATAKI FLY-ED CHICKEN” and will be headquartered at Bangalore.
7. Pizza Hut will open a chain, in the back alleys of all cities, its version, to be named:”PICHHE HUT”. Headquarters: Kanpur. PICHHE = means back-alleys for the uneducated 6
. McDonalds will open its fast food restaurants to be named: “McDosalu”. Hqs. Hyderabad. Main menu: Idli and Dosa.
5. Mr. Submarine will name its restaurants as “Mr. SUBRAMANI”, to be headquartered at Madras.
4. Red Carpets colored with biodegradable (hence environmentally friendly) red PAAN. Juice extracts will enjoy duty-free status in US.
3. Dallas Cowboys will own a new franchise: Dilli’s COW-BHAIS, to teach Indians how to play Football…. with hands.
2. Duty-free import of Ambassador cars into USA, as long as they are not used outside of Demolition Derby.
1. Internal Revenue Service will provide technology transfer of its Tax System software to Indian Income Tax Dept and to be named: “UNCLE SHYAM”.
A Vietnamese girl is traveling around the world when she bumps into a Vietnamese man in a Japanese bar. After striking up a pleasant conversation with the girl, he offers her 20,000 Yen to sleep with him. Short of cash, the Vietnamese girl reluctantly agrees. This goes on for four more nights before the girl decides she might as well get to know the guy a little better.
“Well,:, the man says, “I am from Saigon.”
“Wow, so am I!” says the girl.
“And I am from Cho Lon District,” says the man.
“So am I!” the girl replies.
“And I live on Nguyen Trai Street,” says the amn.
“So do I..” says the girl nervously.
“I know,” says the man. “Your dad sent me here to give you 100,000 Yen. Enoy the rest of your trip!”
Mujibar said, ‘I am ready.’
The manager said, ‘Make a sentence using the words Yellow, Pink, and Green .’ Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,’Mister manager, I am ready.’
The manager said, ‘Go ahead.’
Mujibar said, ‘The telephone goes green, green , and I pink it up, and say, Yellow , this is Mujibar.’
Mujibar now works at a call center.
No doubt you have spoken to him.
I know I have.