Mujibar was trying to get a job in India. The Personnel Manager said, ‘Mujibar, you have passed all the tests, except one. Unless you pass it   ,   you cannot qualify for this job.’

Mujibar said, ‘I am ready.’

The manager said, ‘Make a sentence using the words   Yellow, Pink, and   Green .’ Mujibar thought for a few minutes and said,’Mister manager, I am ready.’

The manager said, ‘Go ahead.’

Mujibar said, ‘The telephone goes   green, green , and I   pink it up, and say,   Yellow , this is Mujibar.’

Mujibar now works at a  call center.

No doubt you have spoken to him.

I know I have.

A visiting Kapampangan kababayan was in New York City and it was a particularly windy day. He was standing by a bus stop when the wind blew and raised the skirt of a nice American lady standing near him.

He smiled at her (wanting to make conversation) and said, “It’s hairy, isn’t it?” (What he meant to say was that it was “airy” – mahangin or windy)

The American lady got mad and hit him with her umbrella and said, “Well, what did you expect – feathers?!”

One day at the end of class little Billy’s teacher has the class go home and think of a story and then conclude the moral of that story. The following day the teacher asks for the first volunteer to tell a story. Suzy said, “Sunday we load the chicken eggs on the truck and drive into town to sell them at the market. Well, one Sunday we hit a big bump and all the eggs flew out of the basket and onto the road.” The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Suzy replies, “Don’t keep all your eggs in one basket.”

Next is little Lucy. “Well, my dad owns a farm too and every weekend we take the chicken eggs and put them in the incubator. Last weekend only 8 of the 12 eggs hatched.” The teacher asks for the moral of the story. Lucy replies “Don’t count your chickens before they’re hatched.”

Last is little Billy. “My uncle Ted fought in the Vietnam war; his plane was shot down over enemy territory. He jumped out before it crashed with only a case of beer, a machine gun and a machete. On the way down he drank the case of beer. Unfortunately, he landed right in the middle of 100 Vietnamese soldiers. He shot 70 with his machine gun but ran out of bullets, so he pulled out his machete and killed 20 more. The blade on his machete broke, so he killed the last ten with his bare hands”. The teacher looks in shock at Billy and asks if there is possibly any moral to his story. Billy replies, “Don’t fuck with uncle Ted when he’s been drinking.”

A woman living in North Hamgyong province comes back home after a hard day at the open market. While she was working hard, the husband spent the whole day at home, daydreaming. As soon as she returns home, they start talking, and the husband says: “Sweetheart, I’d love to go to some place I’ve never seen before, and do something I’ve never done before…”

The wife retorts: “That’s a great idea. Go to the kitchen and wash the dishes!”

At High School No. 1 in Pyongyang, a girl brags to her teacher about the cat she’s got at home: “Our cat has just given birth to seven kittens. All of them just stick close to their mother, they feel really comfortable, and sleep all the time. They’re all true communists.”

A few days later, the teacher asks the girl: “Are the communist kittens at home growing up nicely?”

The girl says: “Comrade teacher, big trouble! They’ve all opened their eyes, and they’ve all renounced communism!”

Looking at the sun and saying it is the moon

Child: “Mom, I’m hungry. I want rice.”
Mother: “I’m sorry, child. There’s no rice left.”
Child: “No rice! Why is there no rice? Our kindergarten teacher told us that if General Kim Jong Il points his finger to sand, it turns into rice. So, why is there no rice in our house?”
Mother: “Well, that’s a lie. No, what I actually meant to say was that’s a matter of deeply rooted belief.”
Child: “Mom, what’s deeply rooted belief?”
Mother: “Well, it’s a lie you’re supposed to believe.”

Professor: “Comrade students, how many economic-political systems are there in the world?”

Student: “There are three such systems: The capitalist economic-political system, the North Korean socialist economic system, and the Chinese eclectic system.”

Professor: “Then, among these three systems, which one is the greatest?”

Student: “Well, it might be rather difficult to answer that question.”

Professor: “What kind of an answer is that? There is only one clear answer! Our style of socialist economic-political system is the greatest, as this is the system that’s destined to conquer the entire world and spur eternal economic development!”

Student: “Professor, that is great, indeed… But if our system takes over the world and all of the other countries and economic-political systems, then whom are we going to ask for food aid?”

Chinese, Russian, Japanese, American, and North Korean police officers gather and decide to assess their investigative capacity. Under the watchful eye of their supervisors, each team gets a mouse, then lets it loose, and the mouse runs up a big mountain. The winning team is the one that manages to catch and bring back the mouse in the shortest time.

The Chinese police employ human wave tactics, combing every square inch on the mountain in their thousands.

They capture and return the mouse after only one day’s search.

The Japanese policemen use a smell detector, and after only half a day, they detect the mouse hole, search it, catch the mouse and bring it back.

The Russian cops send a robot equipped with a heat-seeking device up the mountain. The robot locates all the mammals on the mountain and after only three hours the Russians capture and bring back the mouse.

The only ones left now are the American and North Korean police officers. The Americans use a satellite signal device to locate the mouse, and then send in a mechanical gadget that looks like a snake gliding up the mountain.

The gadget gets into the mouse hole, catches the mouse and brings it back after only one hour.

The North Koreans are last. Although the supervisors are watching, none of them makes a move, there is no brainstorming, and no one comes up with a plan of action, nothing at all. After only about 10 minutes, a few North Korean police officers show up dragging a dog before the supervisors, saying they’ve found the mouse.

All the supervisors are puzzled: “What are you doing? It is not a dog you were supposed to catch! Weren’t you supposed to catch a mouse?” Instead of answering, the North Korean cops drag the dog through the dirt and repeatedly kick it in the ribs. The sobbing dog suddenly starts to talk: “Stop, stop, please stop! Yes, I confess, I’m a mouse! I’m a mouse, please concede that I’m a mouse, or else they’re going to kill me!”

Kim Jong Il and Vladimir Putin are having a summit meeting in Moscow. During a break, they’re bored, and they decide to take a bet to see whose bodyguards are more loyal.

Putin is on the 20th floor and calls on his bodyguard Ivan, opens the window, and says: “Ivan, jump!”
Sobbing, Ivan says: “Mr. President, how can you ask me to do that? I have a wife and child waiting for me at home…”

Putin sheds a tear himself, apologizes to Ivan, and sends him away.

Next, it’s Kim Jong Il’s turn. He calls his bodyguard Lee Myung Man and yells: “Lee Myung Man, jump!” Not hesitating for a split second, Lee Myung Man is just about to jump out the window. Putin hugs Lee Myung Man to prevent him from jumping and says: “Are you out of your mind? If you jump out this window, you’ll die! This is the 20th floor!” Nevertheless, Lee Myung Man is still struggling, trying to escape Putin’s embrace and jump out the window: “President Putin, please let me go! I have a wife and child at home!”

Chang Man Yong works on a collective farm in North Korea. He goes fishing, gets lucky, and brings a fish home. Happy about his catch, he tells his wife: “Look what I’ve got. Shall we eat fried fish today?”
The wife says: “We’ve got no cooking oil!”
“Shall we stew it, then?”
“We’ve got no pot!”
“Shall we grill it?”
“We’ve got no firewood!”
Chang Man Yong gets angry, goes back to the river, and throws the fish back into the water. The fish, happy to have had such a narrow escape, sticks its head out of the water and cheerfully yells: “Long live General Kim Jong Il!”

An Englishman, a Frenchman, and a North Korean are having a chat. The Englishman says: “I feel happiest when I’m at home, my wool pants on, sitting in front of the fireplace.”

The Frenchman, a ladies’ man, says: “You English people are so conventional. I feel happiest when I go to a Mediterranean beach with a beautiful blond-haired woman, and we do what we’ve got to do on the way back.”

The North Korean man says: “In the middle of the night, the secret police knock on the door, shouting: Kang Sung-Mee, you’re under arrest! And I say, Kang Sung-Mee doesn’t live here, but right next door! That’s when we’re happiest!”