Two men are talking on a Pyongyang subway train:
“How are you, comrade?”
“Fine, how are you doing?”
“Comrade, by any chance, do you work for the Central Committee of the Workers’ Party?”
“No, I don’t.”
“Have you worked for the Central Committee before?”
“No, I haven’t.”
“Then, are any of your family members working for the Central Committee?”
“Nope.”
“Then, get away from me! You’re standing on my foot!”

At an art museum in Europe, an Englishman, a Frenchman, and a North Korean stand before a painting of Adam and Eve holding an apple in the Garden of Eden.

The Englishman says: “The man has something tasty to eat and is eager to share it with the woman. Based on that, I would conclude that they’re rather obviously English…”

The Frenchman says: “I disagree. They’re walking around entirely naked, so they must be French…”

The North Korean says: “There is no doubt in my mind that they’re North Korean. They have no clothes to wear, barely anything to eat, and they still think they’re in heaven!”

Original reporting in Korean by Jinseo Lee. RFA Korean service director: Kwang-Chool Lee. Translated by Grigore Scarlatoiu. Edited by Luisetta Mudie and Sarah Jackson-Han.

An American, a Japanese, and a Chinese were sitting naked in the sauna.

Suddenly there was a beeping sound. The American pressed his forearm and the beeping stopped. The others looked at him questioningly.

“That’s my pager,” he said, “I have a microchip under the skin of my arm.”

A few minutes later a phone rang. The Japanese lifted his palm to his ear.When he finished he explained, “That’s my mobile phone. I have a microchip in my hand.”

The Chinese felt low-tech and inferior. He didn’t know what to do to be as impressive as the American & the Japanese. He decided to take a break in the toilet. When he returned, he didn’t realize that there was a piece of toilet paper got stuck and hanging from his ass.

The others raised their eyebrows and said, “Wow! What’s that?”

Instead to be embarrassed, inspiration struck his mind. The Chinese explained, “I’m getting a FAX.”

A woman was wondering why she hadn’t had sex in 5 months.

So her friend told her to go and see a Chinese sex doctor.

When she got there he told here to take off all her clothes and crawl to the other end of the room and back.

As she was crawling back towards the doctor, he said “Oh yes… I see the problem now”

“What is it”, replied the woman.

“Your face look like your ass” said the doctor.

While in China , a man is very sexually promiscuous and does not use a condom all the time he is there.

A week after arriving back home in the States, he wakes one morning to find his penis covered with bright green and purple spots. Horrified, he immediately goes to see a doctor. The doctor, never having seen anything like this before, orders some tests and tells the man to return in two days for the results.

The man returns a couple of days later and the doctor says, ‘I’ve got bad news for you, you’ve contracted Mongolian VD. It’s very rare and almost unheard of here, we know very little about it.’

The man looks a little perplexed and says, ‘Well, give me a shot or something and fix me up, Doc.’

The doctor answers, ‘I’m sorry, there’s no known cure. We’re going to have to amputate your penis.’

The man screams in horror, ‘Absolutely not! I want a second opinion.’

The doctor replies, ‘Well, it’s your choice. Go ahead, if you want but surgery is your only choice.’

The next day, the man seeks out a Chinese doctor, figuring that he’ll know more about the disease. The Chinese doctor examines his penis and proclaims, ‘Ah, yes, Mongolian VD. Vewy ware disease.’

The guy says to the doctor, ‘Yeah, yeah, I already know that but what can we do? My American doctor wants to operate and amputate my penis!’

The Chinese doctor shakes his head and laughs. ‘Stupid American Docttah, always want to opawate. Make more money dat way. No need to amputate!’

Oh, Thank God!’ the man replies.

‘Yes,’ says the Chinese doctor, ‘wait two weeks. Faw off by itself!’

An insect falls into a mug of beer…

African : Takes the insect out and drinks the beer

Chinese : Eats the insect and throws the beer away

Japanese : Sells the beer to the American and insect to the Chinese and gets a new mug of beer.

Pakistani : Accuses the Indian for throwing insect into his beer, relates the issue to Kashmir, asks the Chinese for Military aid, takes a loan from the American to buy one more mug of beer.

Indian: Accuses Pakistan for helping the insect to infiltrate into the glass, blames it as long term ISI operation, terms the insect as a Pakistan SSG commando in undercover operation and vows to defend every inch of the glass and every drop of the beer and demand that US should declare Pakistan a terrorist state

A man and his wife were walking on a busy street. Coming to a corner a begger shouted out to the lady:
“Oh sundari!!! andhha huu. sawa panch rupya de de” (Oh beautiful!! I am blind give me five and a quarter rupees)

At once her husband told her: “de de, de de, tujhhe sundari bola hai to har haal me ye andhha hi hai!!” (Give him what he asks, If he thinks you are beautiful then there is no doubt that he is blind!!)

Q: What is an arranged marriage?

A1: Arranged marriage is the process through which a loser like him will get a knockout like her that he will never get in real life.

A2: Arranged marriage is the process through which she will get the BMW of her dreams by marrying the doctor of her nightmares.

Q: How many functions are there in a desi marriage?

A1: It depends on how much your parents love you and how much they are prepared to spend on you. Parents, if you have two kids, decide which one you love more now. The other one is going to elope.

A2: Three functions.

Q: What’s the first of the three functions?

A: It’s called a holud ceremony, literally the “yellow” ceremony.

Apparently, we have discovered a breakthrough scientific formula.

Brown + Yellow = White.

Because our ultimate aim in life is to look like this.

Q: What is the second ceremony?

A: It is called the akht. This is where the imam decides because a girl is silently crying she is happily agreeing to the marriage, whereas the boy (who should really be the one to be crying) has to soundly pronounce “I do” before the imam will say the magic words “you are now married”.

They say marriage completes half of your deen (religion). It is observed that men become more religious after marriage. It is because they realize what they have gotten into and start praying more often.

It is also noted that men become fatter after their wedding. It is due to the fact that when a bachelor comes home, he sees what’s in the fridge and goes to bed. Whereas the married man comes home, sees what’s in the bed and goes to the fridge.

Q: What is a walimah or reception?

A: This is the occasion where we invite all the people we don’t really like but have to invite anyways (also known as relatives), so that they can stand and gawk at us making corny jokes about our supposed night of passion.

Q: Who is the first person to leave the gathering?

A: It’s the imam. We invite him so he can say the obligatory Quran recitation, do some lecture on why marriage is important, eat and then leave, so we can start our gaana bajaana (music). It’s usually best to invite Bengali imams. They know very little Quran so they usually recite Surah Asr (only three verses – very short). The translation is even shorter as they don’t know Arabic so just talk in general of why the President of America is an evil man.

A guide to checking out the bride:

Yes, we all know why you are really in the line to take a picture with your ‘friend’ and your new bhabi – you really want to see how lucky the bast*** got. So this is how you do it.

1. Keep your gaze down.

Be like a good modest desi and lower your gaze. That way, when the time comes, you can look up. Slowly. And check her out completely from bottom to top. If you start at the top, once she starts saying “Hi” you are stuck, you gotta look at her face and make small talk.

2. Don’t let out a whistle.

Very important.

How to check out the groom:

Just gaze at any standard guy in a tux and a tie. They all look the same.

Jasmeet Kaur caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room. Jasmeet: “What are you searching for?” Santa: “Hidden cameras!” Jasmeet: “And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?” Santa: “That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that?”