You're out on a first date with someone you've just met and are waiting to sit down to dinner in your date's "favorite" restaurant. Your date happens to be white, but you don't think it matters because it's hard enough to find a companion that you can relate to on an emotional and physical level without having to worry about what color they are. Besides, you're comfortable with your identity, and more importantly, they don't look like Phil Collins or a sleazy woman from Nevada who works at a bar just outside Reno (or maybe they do, it just depends on your imagination -- this is just text after all). Thai gods and goddesses sit in glass cases along the wooden walls giving their blessings to the restaurant and its patrons.

You make some small talk that you make sure isn't too heavy -- you often tend to get bogged down by talking about middle child syndrome and the fact that you were a middle child which often leads to a discussion of why you want to join the Church of Scientology because all your problems in life started before you were born or conceived, for that matter -- so you steer clear of the subject and talk about your date's family instead. It turns out they were an only child, so you talk about how you always wanted to be an only child so you wouldn't have middle child syndrome and that would have eliminated your need to become a Scientologist and -- the hostess, dressed in what you assume is a Thai outfit, cuts off your amiable banter by announcing that your table is ready.

You walk to the dining area in the restaurant and think, gee, everyone's so short here, maybe I've been magically teleported to Asia -- but you realize that the restaurant is too poor to afford chairs, so they make the patrons sit on mats on the floor. Your date takes off their socks and shrinks down to the mat on the floor. Slowly, a dim thought enters the back of your mind and it occurs to you that you've been wearing the same pair of socks for the past three days (you've been busy) (really busy) (and your single) (insert your own rationalization here). Blinking eyes and a gentle smile from across the table beckon you to sit down. You

a) excuse yourself to go to the bathroom, throw your socks in the garbage and sit down at the table barefoot.
b) ask the waiter if they have anything that smells like kimchee and order it hoping it will stifle any embarrassing odors.
c) step onto the mat with your shoes on and plop right down saying, "real Asians never take off their shoes."

Both of you order Thai beer malt liquors and the conversation continues relatively unhalted until the food arrives. You ordered Pad Thai to keep things simple, and your date has ordered the whole Tilapia fish with red curry special. You eat family style and the dishes are extremely delicious and the cold beer washes down the hot curry spice with soothing swallows that make it seem like you haven't had anything to drink or do for ninety-six hours except lie on a bed and stare at fluorescent lights. Eating until you can't have another bite, you let out a sigh of relief and look into your date's eyes. The stare that meets you is questioning and their head tilts slightly to the left. Your date begins telling you why they like to date Asians. How rich the culture is, how your people's subtlety offers a mystique A slight tilt of the head, and your date says,

If you are a man:

"I've dated all kinds of Asians, although I usually prefer ones who were born in Asia. But what I'm really looking for is a Bruce Lee Fantasy. You see," they continue as tears begin to well up in their eyes, "I saw the movie Dragon, and I really identified with it."

If you are a woman:

"I've dated all kinds of Asians, although I usually prefer ones who were born in Asia. But what I'm really looking for is a Joan Chen Fantasy. You see," they continue as tears begin to well up their eyes, "I saw the movie Golden Gate, and I really identified with it."

You say:

a) Bruce Lee/Joan Chen was my father/mother.
b) Tear down the back of your shirt and expose your bare back to
your date while making "Daah!" sounds like Bruce Lee (watch a movie
for reference)
c) Bruce Lee and Joan Chen never took off their shoes either.
d) Well, we all look alike so I should work out just fine.
e) So did you see that game on TV today?
f) It's just a fantasy, baby. Get over it.

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