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What kind of Asian are you?

Sep 11

Posted by asianjoke in Commentary, Jokes | No Comments

Young Asians in America come in many forms. Below are the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never part of another group are the Twinkies and the Asian-Americans. When you see your Asian friend, you greet them with “Wassup Fob!” And if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say “Fob please!” Of course, when a non-Asian calls you a Fob, that is grounds for a fight. Ahahaha…

Twinkie

  • Your significant other is not Asian and never has been.
  • You have few Asian friends, if any.
  • You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you.
  • You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist.
  • You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is.
  • You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is.
  • You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock.

Asian-American

  • You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you’re whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere.
  • You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any.
  • You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college.
  • You read A. magazine and think it’s great.
  • You do not know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, or Kangta are.
  • You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below.

Fob (Fresh Off the Boat)

  • You were not born in America.
  • You know who Leon, Aaron, Sammi, Hikki, and Kangta are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently.
  • You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends.
  • You do not have any non-Asian friends.
  • Your parents do not speak any English.
  • When you speak English, you like to make everything plural.
  • You get extremely good grades in school.
  • You cannot dance.
  • Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you’re from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe.

SuperFob

  • Your command of the English language is minimal and you don’t care.
  • You like dim sum chicken feet.
  • You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn’t bootlegged.
  • Your only hangout is Chinatown.
  • All the lights in your house are fluorescent.
  • You dry your clothes outside your window.
  • You need a haircut.
  • You either smell like cigarettes or food.

Fobabee

  • You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently “awoken”.
  • You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys.
  • You have taken the Asian Studies course at college.
  • You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white.

Gangsta Fob

  • If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous Gangsta Fob.
  • You have shot another Asian.
  • Your favorite hangout is a pool hall.
  • When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid.
  • Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you’ll shoot them.
  • You have a serious gambling problem.
  • You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car.
  • No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you’ll shoot them.
  • You want to have a Tab girlfriend.

Tab (Trendy Asian Bitch)

  • You shop at A/X, Bebe, Banana Republic and Club Monaco.
  • You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to “mix it up”.
  • You do not weigh more than 105 lbs.
  • You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life.
  • Platform heels are your favorite.
  • You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless.
  • You do not smile in public.
  • You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it.
  • You smoke.
  • Your cell phone is completely customized.
  • On the inside flip of your cell phone is a sticker pic of you and your man.
  • Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item.
  • You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car.
  • You are often seen with Rice-boys.
  • You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend.

Hoochie Tab

  • You are an import car model.
  • Your boobs are not real.
  • There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere.
  • Stiletto heels are your favorite.
  • Your role models are Francine Dee and Kaila Yu.
  • Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob.
  • You cheat on your boyfriend.
  • Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school.

Rice-Boy

  • You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura.
  • Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it’s original stock form.
  • Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in.
  • The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing.
  • The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing.
  • You always drive like you are racing someone.
  • You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps.
  • The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground.
  • Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit.
  • If you drive a Civic, your dream car is a Supra. If you drive a Supra, your dream car is a Skyline (which you can never have).

Fobulous

  • You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language.
  • You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends.
  • You listen to Asian pop as well as American music.
  • You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture.
  • You are a good dancer.
  • You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race.
  • You are a good designer and have superior HTML skills.
  • You have an Apt107 page AND an AA page and the guest books in both are packed.
  • For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being.
  • You have lots of Asian pride.

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Korean Konglish jokes

Aug 28

Posted by asianjoke in Jokes | 1 Comment

These are only funny for Koreans or those kyoppos like me who get them.

What do you call a pre-occupied bean? kong beejee
what do you call a broken bicycle? mot-tah-cycle

where do lettuces worship? at a sang-choo-ary (sanctuary)

what do you call a big napkin? HU-ji (huge)

wanna hear a family joke? gah joke

what did one forehead say to the other? .. ya eemah!

what do you call a smelly bird? nem seh

what do you call the burnt rice at the bottom of a rice cooker? bobby brown

what is the vampire’s fav drink? koh-pee

why did the korean smoker go to the horseraces? mal-bo-ro

what did the small fish say when he got eaten by the big fish? Oh-dheng!!!

what did the byun tae say to the mushroom? oht buhsut!

what did the cat say to the sheep to make it go away? GO YANG EE!

what do you call a hairy robot? tul-min-a-tuh!

Why don’t lobsters share? They are Shell-fish

What did the bread say when it ran into the wall… ppang!
What did a cookie say to another cookie when it wanted to leave…gwajah

What do you call a 5 year old onion? Oh-nyun

What celebrity can you trust with your luggage?Jjim Carrey

How did the ice cream get into a car accident?Cha Gah Wah Suh

What did the fish say when it lost its bones?Oh my ga shee

What do u call a corny soup?Ssulung tang

what did song say to mong when he told her he was leaving the country? donk-go, mong

What did the truck say to the bread? Bbang Bbang!

What do you call a cute guy with no ears? Gwee-up-dah!

What did the mama turkey say to the baby turkey? Gobble – ji- mah!

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What kind of Asian are you?

Aug 23

Posted by asianjoke in Commentary | No Comments

Young Asians in America come in many forms. Below are the major categories. Most Asians fit into multiple groups. For example, Rice-boys can also be Fobs and many Tabs are Fobulous. The only groups that are never part of another group are the Twinkies and the Asian-Americans. Claim your Fobbiness! When you see your Asian friend, greet them with “Wassup Fob!” And if your Asian friend says something ridiculous, say “Fob please!” Of course, when a non-Asian calls you a Fob, that is grounds for a fight. Ahahaha… The categories below are to be taken lightheartedly. Read, recognize and laugh.

Twinkie
- Besides your nationality, there is little to distinguish you from white people
- Your significant other is not Asian and never has been
- You have few Asian friends, if any
- You are embarrassed at family events because you cannot speak your language and everyone has to switch to English to communicate with you
- You have no idea that the other types of Asians on this list even exist
- You think Hello Kitty is dumb and do not know what Sanrio is
- You are the only Asian on this list that does not know what Bubble Tea is
- You drive a Ford or some other domestic car and if you drive a Honda, it is stock

Asian-American
- You claim yourself as Asian, but real Asians think you’re whitewashed and non-Asians see you as a foreigner. You fit in nowhere
- You have heard of Bubble Tea but have never actually had any
- You are confused about your cultural identity and express this frustration through spoken word performances at your college
- You read A. magazine and think it’s great
- You do not know who Edison, Jay Chou, Ayu, or G.O.D. are
- You are only vaguely aware of the other Asians below

Yap (Young Asian Professional)
- You are in one of these professions:
a) Medicine / Pharmaceutical
b) Engineering
c) Finance
d) Investment Banking
e) Accounting
f) Law
- Most of your wardrobe was purchased at Banana Republic
- You go to “mixers” on Thursday nights to meet other Yaps and talk about the Dow Jones.
- You did exactly what your parents wanted you to do and as a result, your life is hella boring
- Your apartment/home is decorated almost exclusively with stuff from Pier 1
- Your parents always talk to their friends about how much money you make. If they don’t, then you’re a dissapointment

Fob (Fresh Off tha Boat)
- You were not born in America
- You know who Edison, Jay Chou, Ayu, or G.O.D. are. In fact, you have seen them at Atlantic City or Las Vegas recently
- You speak your native language fluently and so do all your friends
- You do not have any non-Asian friends
- Your parents do not speak any English
- When you speak English, you like to make everything plural
- You get extremely good grades in school
- You cannot dance
- Your fashion sense comes from whatever country you’re from and you incorporate nothing from American fashion into your wardrobe

SuperFob
- Your command of the English language is minimal and you don’t care
- You like dim sum chicken feet
- You do not own a single CD, VCD, Video game, or DVD that isn’t bootlegged
- Your only hangout is Chinatown
- All the lights in your house are fluorescent
- You dry your cloths outside your window
- You need a haircut
- You either smell like cigarettes or food

Fobabee
- You are an Asian-American or Twinkie who has recently “awoken”
- You have a newly found fetish of Asian girls/boys
- You have taken the Asian Studies course at college
- You are trying to learn as much as possible about your culture to make up for your lifetime of trying to be white (Twinkie ; Banana) or Black (Chigger ; Tea egg)
- If you are lucky, you will grow to become Fobulous

Gangsta Fob (Fobsta)
- You have shot another Asian
- Your favorite hangout is a pool hall
- When you talk, you sound like a cross between a Fob and an urban black kid
- Your hair looks silly, but no one will tell you because you’ll shoot them
- You have a serious gambling problem
- You are a Rice-boy, but your mods are cheap and are never painted to match the rest of your car
- No one tells you your rice ride looks cheap because you’ll shoot them
- You want to have a Tab girlfriend, but can only get Hoochie Tabs

Tab (Trendy Asian B*tch)
- You shop at A/X, Bebe and Club Monaco
- You only wear black and will occasionally wear white to “mix it up”
- You do not weigh more than 105 lbs
- You have never paid for dinner at a restaurant in your life
- Platform heels are your favorite
- You are a makeup expert, in fact, you appear completely flawless
- You do not smile in public
- You are the object of desire of all Asian men and you know it
- You smoke
- Your cell phone is completely customized
- Somewhere in your purse is a Sanrio item
- You only date Asian and will only date a boy with a nice car
- You are often seen with Rice-boys
- You never travel alone. You are either in the company of other Tabs or your Rice-boy boyfriend

Hoochie Tab
- You are an import car model
- Your boobs are not real
- There are naked pictures of you floating around on the internet somewhere
- Clear heels are your favorite
- Your role models are Tila Nguyen and Kaila Yu
- Your boyfriend is a Gangsta Fob
- You cheat on your boyfriend
- Unlike most Asians, you do not do well in school

Rice-Boy
- You drive an Asian import. Usually a Honda or Acura
- Your souped up car (known as a Rice-ride or Rice-rocket) is unrecognizable from it’s original stock form
- Your exhaust pipe is big enough for your head to fit in
- The spoiler on your car looks like it was made by Boeing
- The interior of your car also looks like it was designed by Boeing
- You always drive like you are racing someone
- You are not afraid of dying in a crash, but you are afraid of speed bumps and parking lot on-ramps
- The only other person besides yourself who can sit in your car is your 105 lbs Tab girlfriend. If anyone else sits in your car, the entire bottom of it will be touching the ground
- Even though your car is a Honda, it goes faster and is worth more than a Lotus Esprit

Fobulous
- You speak perfect English and you are fluent in your native language
- You have Asian friends as well as non-Asian friends
- You listen to Asian pop as well as American music
- You are equally aware of both popular American culture and Asian pop culture
- You are a good dancer
- You date Asian by choice even though you could rock the opposite sex of any other race
- You are a good designer and have superior HTML skills (for that fly MySpace / Xanga page)
- For you, FOB stands for Fabulous Oriental Being
- You have lots of Asian pride

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You Know You are Indonesian When

Aug 6

Posted by asianjoke in Jokes | No Comments

  1. Your stomach growls when you don’t eat rice for a day.
  2. You believe kecap ABC could turn bad cooking to gourmet food.
  3. You think our country is a democracy.
  4. You talk during a movie.
  5. You use a bucket instead of toilet paper in the bathroom.
  6. You eat fried rice in the morning.
  7. You prefer Versace or Moschino jeans over Gap or Levi’s.
  8. You don’t think Jim Carrey is funny.
  9. You think Onky Alexander is a hunk.
  10. You think Rhoma Irama is kampungan.
  11. You carry a 16 oz. jar of sambal to where ever you travel.
  12. Driving a car that is cheaper than $15,000 embarrasses you.
  13. You think dangdut is stupid, but listen to it anyways, because you are homesick.
  14. You are willing to travel 25 miles to buy tahu and tempe.
  15. You are “Dreaming of a WARM Christmas”.
  16. You are very good at avoiding potholes and other road hazards.
  17. Your local McDonald’s serves rice and sambal.
  18. You think Supermi is a staple food.
  19. You have ever tried passing a Rp 50 coin as a quarter in a US vending machine/pay phone.
  20. You have ever successfully bribed a police officer.
  21. You have ever successfully bribed a customs officer.
  22. You have smuggled electronics and porn into Indonesia.
  23. You do your shopping in Singapore.
  24. Your drivers license claims you are 5 years older then you really are.
  25. You have ever legally bought pirated software.
  26. You have ever been forced to memorize UUD’45.
  27. You have bought something from a barefooted street peddler.
  28. You know exactly how many islands Indonesia has.
  29. You have ever eaten something sold off a cart on wheels.
  30. You realized that money is everything before you were six.
  31. The first thing that comes to mind when hearing the word “Jakarta” is “macet”.
  32. Someone you know has ever ridden on top of a train.
  33. Your daily commute includes thinking up new ways to ride the city bus for free.
  34. You don’t mind people being late.
  35. You think standing in line is a waste of time.
  36. You have tried every Monday of your youth trying to avoid upacara bendera.
  37. You have used a mosquito repellant that looks like a coil and is lit on one end.
  38. You use the terms “Ni yee”, “-lah” and “Ih, jijay” on daily basis
  39. You know what Pancasila is, what it means and know it by heart.
  40. You complain that movies in America don’t have sub-titles.
  41. Your daily conversation may include enactments of TV commercials.
  42. You have ever consulted a dukun.
  43. Your whole class has ever cheated on a test, and gotten away with it.
  44. You have ever spent the night before an exam looking for someone who sells the questions.
  45. You like the smell of terasi.
  46. You think the Thomas Cup is equal to the Super Bowl.
  47. You can name a manufacturer of shuttlecocks/badminton birdies.
  48. You have a 16′ satellite dish hidden in your back yard.
  49. You have ever ridden in a motor vehicle with three wheels.
  50. You miss your maid during laundry day.
  51. Your clothing has brand names printed on it that is visible from 50′ away.
  52. You attend weddings only until you are done eating.
  53. You have attended weddings that you are not invited to.
  54. You go to McDonald’s to get your weekly supply of ketchup, salt, pepper and napkins.
  55. You know more than one music group that stole the tune of Cranberries’ “Zombie”.
  56. You have a can of Baygon on your kitchen table.
  57. You make major decisions based on gengsi.
  58. You take advantage of Wal-Mart’s 30 days money-back-guarantee to “borrow” home appliances.
  59. Someone in your family has extra pockets in his outfit to hide cookies from the all-you-can-eat bar.
  60. You have paid more then $1000 to get your name on your license plate.
  61. When watching TV you regularly find that all the channels broadcast the same thing.
  62. You know more than 10 acronyms/abbreviations.

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How to Be an Asian Gangster

Jul 18

Posted by asianjoke in Jokes | No Comments

TEENAGE ASIAN GANGSTERS

  1. Your car probably looks like this by now.
  2. Wears a Buddha bracelet on wrist.
  3. Start smoking cigarettes by the age of 13.
  4. Wear some really baggy pants with a white logo T-shirt.
  5. Have either the typical Asian haircut with long dyed bangs or some slicked back hair.
  6. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe.
  7. Kiss up to older gang members to increase rank.

OLDER ASIAN GANGSTERS

  1. Sport a lot of gold jewelry to show off.
  2. Wear nice tight pants, with HK-Style See-Through Shirts.
  3. Been Smoking for at least 10 years.
  4. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe.
  5. Tell stories about glorious past to younger gangsters.
  6. Treat the teenagers good so they can introduce you to young virgin girls.
  7. Living at home with parents, still!
  8. Slick back hair, or just regular Asian haircut.
  9. Show off with guns and drugs which actually belong to someone else.
  10. Hang out in gambling dens and massage parlors, but never do anything but watch the other people.

LEADERS OF ASIAN GANGS

  1. Sport A LOT of Jewelry! Expensive shades, expensive EVERYTHING!
  2. Wear nice pants like construction workers, or wear some Italian suits like REAL businessmen.
  3. Probably quit smoking cause you think you got lung cancer.
  4. Still trying to lose virginity to some clueless babe.
  5. Never really appear in public so your followers think you are always doing something secretive.
  6. Spiky hair, or real old style ’70s ’80s cut.
  7. When asked for “stuff” or money, always reply “Later, it’s not the right time.” In fact, you just don’t have any.
  8. Own the gambling dens and massage parlors, but the only customers are own gang members/followers.

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